my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
