I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
