The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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