bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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