How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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