my phone needs a breathalizer
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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