He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
