dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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