Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
