What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
