True but thats because hes a fetus.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
