he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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