why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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