I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize