apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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