I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
