she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
