Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
