Say something about gay babies.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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