Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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