I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
