I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
