They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
