party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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