I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
