I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
