The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
