He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
