I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
