Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
