1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
No subtext here. People are naked.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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