I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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