He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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