It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
