She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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