is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just pee around me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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