Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
is it fun? or sober?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize