Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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