My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
