I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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