I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The Olympian is in my bed
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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