It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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