Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize