so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
