mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
