he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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