I'm pants shitting drunk right now
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
