i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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