it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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