I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
