The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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