just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
