my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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