i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I still have a little drunk in my system
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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