nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
