I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
