R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best revenge is premature balding
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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