remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
