thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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