im six kinds of drunk right now
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We were destined to go to rehab together
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
