highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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