Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
